• Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? – Dad Joke
  • KID: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ – Dad Joke
  • I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… – Dad Joke
  • Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. – Dad Joke
  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? – Dad Joke
  • The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. – Dad Joke
  • Justice is a dish best served cold, – Dad Joke
  • When a dad drives past a graveyard: – Dad Joke
  • My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, ‘How do one armed mothers do it?’ – Dad Joke
  • A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. – Dad Joke
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. – Dad Joke
  • If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, – Dad Joke
  • Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? – Dad Joke
  • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. – Dad Joke
  • How do you make holy water? – Dad Joke
  • My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. – Dad Joke
  • Today, my son asked ‘Can I have a book mark?’ – Dad Joke
  • I joined a band called 999 Megabytes
  • Why did the scientist get a new lab coat? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the banker get a new ledger? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the mechanic get a new jack? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the photographer get a new tripod? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the teacher get a new eraser? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the fisherman get a new boat? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the fisherman get a new boat? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the writer get a new dictionary? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the musician get a new piano? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the chef get a new oven? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the gardener get a new rake? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the electrician get a new fuse? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the scientist get a new beaker? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the banker get a new safe? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the mechanic get a new screwdriver? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the photographer get a new lens? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the teacher get a new ruler? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the fisherman get a new hook? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the writer get a new notebook? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the musician get a new drum? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the chef get a new pan? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the gardener get a new hose? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the electrician get a new wire? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the scientist get a new microscope? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the banker get a new calculator? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the mechanic get a new wrench? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the photographer get a new camera? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the teacher get a new chalk? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the musician get a new guitar? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the fisherman get a new rod? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the writer get a new pen? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the chef get a new knife? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the gardener get a new shovel? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the electrician get shocked? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the scientist install an extra door? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the musician get kicked out of the orchestra? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the baker go to therapy? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the photographer get kicked out of the party? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the banker get locked out of his office? – Dad Joke
  • My wife just stopped and said “You weren’t even listening were you?”
  • Why did the programmer get kicked out of the cafe? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the golfer bring sunscreen? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the fisherman bring a piano to the lake? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the chef get a time-out? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the librarian get kicked out of the library? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the gardener get a promotion? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the artist carry a pencil? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the musician get kicked out of the band? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the scarecrow get promoted? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the computer go to therapy? – Dad Joke
  • My dad once told a joke about infinity…
  • Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? – Dad Joke
  • I used to be a personal trainer. – Dad Joke
  • What’s the best smelling insect? – Dad Joke
  • I like telling Dad jokes. – Dad Joke
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? – Dad Joke
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? – Dad Joke
  • Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? – Dad Joke
  • What’s brown and sticky? – Dad Joke
  • You know, people say they pick their nose. but I feel like I was just born with mine. – Dad Joke
  • I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since. – Dad Joke
  • I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – Dad Joke
  • I used to hate facial hair… – Dad Joke
  • I’ve got a great joke about construction, – Dad Joke
  • Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? – Dad Joke
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. – Dad Joke
  • How do you make a Kleenex dance? – Dad Joke
  • I made a pencil with two erasers. – Dad Joke
  • I’m on a seafood diet. – Dad Joke
  • Have you ever tried to catch a fog? – Dad Joke
  • I used to play piano by ear. – Dad Joke
  • I once got fired from a canned juice company. – Dad Joke
  • A cheeseburger walks into a bar. – Dad Joke
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? – Dad Joke
  • Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? – Dad Joke
  • I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. – Dad Joke
  • What country’s capital is growing the fastest? – Dad Joke
  • If a child refuses to nap, – Dad Joke
  • Shout out to my fingers. – Dad Joke
  • That car looks nice – Dad Joke
  • Do you wanna box for your leftovers? – Dad Joke
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. – Dad Joke
  • When two vegans get in an argument, – Dad Joke
  • You think swimming with sharks is expensive? – Dad Joke
  • A guy walks into a bar… – Dad Joke
  • I used to be addicted to soap, – Dad Joke
  • How did Harry Potter get down the hill? – Dad Joke
  • How does a penguin build its house? – Dad Joke
  • What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? – Dad Joke
  • My dad told me a joke about boxing. – Dad Joke
  • Suzan tells her boss she has bad news.
  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the math book look so sad? – Dad Joke
  • How do you make a tissue dance? – Dad Joke
  • What does a bee use to brush its hair? – Dad Joke
  • What concert costs just 45 cents? – Dad Joke
  • I have a joke about chemistry, – Dad Joke
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? – Dad Joke
  • I got so drunk last night that I lost my glasses
  • What’s it called when you dance in math class?
  • What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? – Dad Joke
  • Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? – Dad Joke
  • What time did the man go to the dentist? – Dad Joke
  • How does a taco say grace? – Dad Joke
  • Some people call the toilet “The John”. I call mine “The Jim”
  • How do you make 7 even? – Dad Joke
  • What’s the difference between boy ghosts and girl ghosts?
  • The Holy Bible teaches us to love one another
  • Dad, can you put the cat out? – Dad Joke
  • What kind of car does an egg drive? – Dad Joke
  • This graveyard looks overcrowded. – Dad Joke
  • What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? – Dad Joke
  • Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? – Dad Joke
  • Dad, can you put my shoes on? – Dad Joke
  • Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? – Dad Joke
  • What did one hat say to the other? – Dad Joke
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? – Dad Joke
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? – Dad Joke
  • What do you call someone with no body and no nose? – Dad Joke
  • I don’t trust stairs. – Dad Joke
  • Why don’t eggs tell jokes? – Dad Joke
  • How do you get a squirrel to like you? – Dad Joke
  • My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. – Dad Joke
  • I don’t trust those trees. – Dad Joke
  • Where do boats go when they’re sick? – Dad Joke
  • I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. – Dad Joke
  • What do you call a poor Santa Claus? – Dad Joke
  • Dad, did you get a haircut? – Dad Joke
  • What has more letters than the alphabet? – Dad Joke
  • Where do you learn to make a banana split? – Dad Joke
  • What does a sprinter eat before a race? – Dad Joke
  • What’s the best thing about Switzerland? – Dad Joke
  • What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? – Dad Joke
  • I asked my dog what’s two minus two. – Dad Joke
  • Where do fruits go on vacation? – Dad Joke
  • A skeleton walks into a bar and says, – Dad Joke
  • What did the zero say to the eight? – Dad Joke
  • What did one wall say to the other? – Dad Joke
  • How does the moon cut his hair? – Dad Joke
  • I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. – Dad Joke
  • Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? – Dad Joke
  • What did the ocean say to the beach? – Dad Joke
  • Have you heard about the chocolate record player? – Dad Joke
  • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? – Dad Joke
  • Dear Math, – Dad Joke
  • What do you call a factory that makes okay products? – Dad Joke
  • How does dry skin affect you at work? – Dad Joke
  • I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. – Dad Joke
  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? – Dad Joke
  • How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? – Dad Joke
  • What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? – Dad Joke
  • What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? – Dad Joke
  • Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. – Dad Joke
  • Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? – Dad Joke
  • My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. – Dad Joke
  • I’m afraid for the calendar. – Dad Joke
  • Why did the radish write a book? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the radish wear glasses? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the radish become a musician? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the radish go to school? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the radish become a detective? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the broccoli write a book? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the broccoli wear glasses? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the broccoli become a musician? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the broccoli go to school? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the broccoli become a detective? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the pepper write a book? – Dad Joke
  • On Halloween: Zombies eat brains, you drink spirits. – Dad Joke
  • Why did the ghost go to the Halloween party? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the pepper wear glasses? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the pepper become a musician? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the pepper go to school? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the pepper become a detective? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the onion write a book? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the onion wear glasses? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the onion become a musician? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the onion go to school? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the onion become a detective? – Dad Joke
  • Why did the potato write a book? – Dad Joke